Honesty

I felt like yesterday was a turning point for me.
We have been visiting Mountain View Baptist for several months with Chad's family and every time we set out to go to service, I would get an attitude. I am from a very Pentecostal background, and I know that the devil is at work in this world and I truly believe it was him that wanted to keep me away from that church.
The reason is this - my relationship with the Lord was KAPUT. I grew up in a Christian home (it's amazing how many testimonies start out this way) and even graduated from a Christian college. However, along the way, I lost whatever budding relationship I had with Him, if I even ever had one at all. Yesterday changed all that. The sermon was on healing from our emotional past (wow, do I ever have one!). How do you enter into a marriage, a covenant before God, with open, seeping wounds from your past and nothing to help heal you? More importantly, how can I go on in such an uncertain world, without the certainty that my eternal life was set in Him? Needless to say, these thoughts have been building in my mind, and I was at the altar as soon as I could be. I prayed the sinner's prayer (I feel like I should probably pray that every day!) and even though I felt somewhat ridiculous because I think I KNOW all this stuff, I am still blown away by how much I don't know and will never truly understand. It is up to me now to take the time to make my relationship with the Lord the most important priority in my life - even more important than my future husband. What is so amazing is that I know if we put the Lord before our relationship, our relationship will flourish like never before and that is so exciting to me. I can't imagine loving Chad any more than I already do, but a deeper love and understanding is going to come once our lives are 100% seeped in the Lord. How amazing is that?!
The emotional baggage stuff - I now have a salve for those open wounds. They can close now and I can finally be free of a most regretful past. The person I need to forgive the most is me and with God's help I can do that.
God is so good!