An Open Letter to Starbucks

Dear Starbucks:



Thank you so much for offering such deliciousness as the Venti 6 pump non-fat vanilla latte. My day would not be complete without you and your hotness (coffee that is). However, there have been a few things as of late that have really been getting under my skin:



1. Oh Starbucks, home of the famously overpriced coffee...no, I do not want to try your strawberry banana smoothie, even though it is half-priced, as it has been for the past two weeks because no one wants a smoothie from Starbucks at 7:20 in the a.m. They want caffeine. Leave the smoothies for places that specialize in smoothie making, like Keva, and y'all stick to making wonderfully expensive lattes and mochas and such. Thanks.



2. Oh Starbucks, ye olde company who tries to save the world, one coffee bean at a time...yes, I do in fact want my receipt because although I applaud your efforts to save paper with my tiny purchase record thus saving the world as a whole, you should applaud my efforts to want to record my $4.27 purchase so that it doesn't become an overdraft charge which will then lead to much anxiety and stress. So save the paper or save my sanity? Hmmmm...I'll probably take my sanity.



3. Oh Starbucks, who displays hipness at every turn. Can you please tell the barista at the drive through to maybe come to work a little less high in the morning? While I do believe that Starbucks is a giant doorway to bigger and better careers, I do not believe that achieving those goals will be possible while looking like you just rolled out of bed with last night's blunt still attached to your lips. Just a thought.



4. And finally, Oh Starbucks, when I order a delectable and overpriced pastry or "perfect oatmeal" which is really just Quaker instant in a Starbucks container, I would like it to be given to me in a bag, please. Although I know I may resemble an overly talented circus freak that can carry 500 items at one time, carrying a large cup of hot coffee and a container of "perfect oatmeal" and a purse and possibly a laptop into my cubicle without a handy bag poses some problems and possible risks of being burned. We wouldn't want a McDonald's situation on our hands, would we?



See you in the morning, Oh Starbucks.



Love,



Your Friend, Kelley