The Strip

Unfortunately, this post will contain nothing controversial, as the title implies. The strip I am referring to have nothing to do with THAT kind of strip. Rather, this entire post has everything to do with snoring. Like, loud, obnoxious snoring that "moves curtains." Unfortunately, I am the culprit in this embarrassment and hubby is the one who suffers. Actually, I suffer, too, as I never seem to get enough sleep even though there have been several Saturdays in a row where I have indulged in long naps lasting approximately four hours.

See, here's the thing when you become one in the bonds of holy matrimony - your sleep patterns become his sleep patterns and vice versa. No longer is your only concern whether you are hot or cold or if your pillow needs replacing. No, now your concerns include all of the above and the fact that your darling husband sleeps diagonal, or with one leg propped up, or snuggled all up in your grill. Or that his sweet wife drools, talks in her sleep, and snores. All in the same night. We have crazy bedroom entertainment going on, y'all.

There is really nothing you can do about the diagonal sleeping or talking in your sleep...but there IS something that can be done about the snoring, other than going to see a sleep specialist, which really freaks me out and I refuse to do because how in the world would I be able to fall asleep hooked up to things without the help of Ambien or 5 Benadryls? It's called a Breathe Right strip and I believe that it's sent from God to help save marriages.

It's especially sexy when the husband applies the strip to the wife's nose, leaving her looking like she just got a nose job and the nostrils are swollen to twice their normal size. Hot. Or when the snoring is so bad that the husband wakes his wife up and looks for the dang strip HIMSELF so that he can enjoy a peaceful night's sleep.

It's only a strip. But in actuality, it is so much more.